Tuesday, April 21, 2009

No Wonder Its Called Amazing

I know that I should be blogging all things "baby" right now, but I have to share some insight I received on Sunday. By the way, everything is going good with baby Hud...hes really big and comfortable in momma's big ole' belly:)

The day started out good...I wasn't for sure if Carsten and I would be going to church, but I got in my mind on Saturday night that we would. So I mentally and physically prepared myself to get up, get ready with a toddler around , and get a toddler ready (all really hard to do right now because of my "bigness" and "tiredness"). We were all ready to go after many disruptions from my baby boy who seems to go through major times of exploring (getting into) everything, including but not limited to tearing apart my bathroom. As I have everything in hand (yeah right like everything I have can make it to the car in one trip), I notice that the set of keys that my husband has left me doesn't have our SUV key on it. I began to think, "where in the world is it?". Then I remember that he took if off the key ring when his sister was in town so she could drive our truck to the gym. I thought, "oh no, theres no telling where he put it once she gave it back". So I called him (he goes to our first service so he was already at church which is 20 minutes away from our home) and he said look in the drawer under our coffee pot. I looked and looked and could not find it. I was so upset, looking everywhere for those keys. I was even more frustrated that he did not put the key back on my key ring. I was so excited about going to church because it could be my last time for a while, but now it looked like I wouldn't make it after all. I called him back and with lots of restraint did not let him have it the way I wanted. I had looked under couch pillows, in our mail keeper, and everywhere in between. I finally gave up the grand plan to go to church and as I spoke with him, I burst out in hormonal last two weeks of being preggo tears. My feelings were so bad hurt...like my best friend has just disowned me hurt feelings. I know some of you know exactly what I mean. At that point, I said to him "why in the world after a week of your sister being gone, did you not put the key back on the ring?" In which he replied, "Kelly, why don't you be gracious to all parties involved?!" Oh no, wrong thing to say to a 10 month momma of a toddler who just tornadoed the house while I got ready. I replied to him, "I have been gracious enough...I've had it!!" Immediately when I said those words, I thought "wow, not a good thing to say." We eventually hung up so I could control my tongue.

As I began to think about my words, I was taught a lesson that I'm not sure the greatest message at church could have taught me that morning. I started to think "what if Jesus reacted this way everytime it came to me and my continual failings to do what I know to be righteous and holy in His eyes?" What if His grace ran out of being gracious to all? What if He had walked the hill to calvary, been mounted on the cross, pierced and nailed to the wood, only to say "I've been gracious enough, all of the rest of you will have to be saved and set free some other way." What if His grace only brought me so far, and I was left to make up for the rest by my good deeds and perfection (wow! would I be in some kind of trouble?) As I thought about these "what ifs" I was reminded of His goodness, faithfulness, and love towards those (including me) who don't deserve it at all. That's why grace is so amazing...its not earned, its not bought, its not contingent on our "goods", its not given to those who outwardly have it together, etc. Its given because the One who gives it is full of grace, mercy, and compassion for His full of flaws children. I can rest assured that tonight, regardless of my inadequacies, I serve a God who went the distance and didn't give up based on His perfect foreknowledge that I would not be perfect. After this revelation to my heart, I was at peace and smiled knowing that my Jesus is "gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love (Psalm 145:8)"
Even when I may be fed up and lacking grace for my husband, children, and myself...

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